Guide to Funerals in the Season of COVID-19
/Overall considerations
The central function of a service of death and resurrection is to allow mourners to process the loss of a loved one in light of their Christian faith. While physical gatherings as we have practiced them have to be postponed for now, the need for a gospel word of life in the midst of death remains. It is important to encourage families and congregations to celebrate the life of the deceased in a timely way, using alternative means.
A theology of lament will be an important tool during this season. Naming and embracing people’s grief over both death and the other losses we are experiencing places us squarely within Biblical tradition. Holding that hard reality in tension with our tenacious claim on the hope of resurrection is our work.
Be gentle with yourself as pastor. You often grieve alongside families, as well as having to work very differently, holding the complexity and uncertainty of the moment for everyone.
Logistical considerations
On meeting in person:
Always follow the recommendations and orders of local, state, and national authorities regarding limitations on social gatherings. We must not risk more deaths in the celebration of life. These guidelines are hard yet necessary to limit the spread of the virus. CDC guidelines for faith communities are available here.
As a general rule, do your funeral planning remotely. Acknowledge to the family that you would of course rather be present with them in person but are seeking to keep people safe.
If you encounter resistance to modified practices during this time, appeal to orders from external authorities, in addition to this set of conference guidelines. Following this policy is an act of compassion and an affirmation of life for the living.
In cases of planning an in-person service of no more than 10 people, remember to count the officiant and any necessary funeral home personnel. Note that pastors who have done graveside services in this season of distancing have noted how difficult it is to maintain appropriate physical distance.
Graveside or other outdoor services can be live-streamed for others to watch. Many funeral homes are offering this option.
On celebrating remotely/online:
Think creatively about how video technology might be used for a service with friends, family, and congregation. What setting might make the most sense for you as officiant to occupy? Utilize images and music as you might in a regular funeral or in an online worship service. Remember to include participatory elements for those viewing online—unison prayers, Psalm 23, even singing together.
Know that the pastor cannot do everything. You may have to limit the different options you can provide for services. If you don’t have enough volunteers to do “all the things” for a particular service or services in general, then only offer what you can reasonably manage.
Cremation allows for a memorial service online in the short term, with disposition of ashes later.
Find alternative ways to stay connected to each other and to God in a time of grief. Possibilities include:
—Share the family’s address in a secure way and invite church folks to send cards of condolence.
—Provide either a video conference or online “wall” where people can share stories of the deceased.
—Post a copy of the order of service online.
—Determine what kind of follow-up contact with the family would be helpful and who should do it.
A word of grace
Pastor, take care of yourself. Especially if your community ends up experiencing a large number of deaths, you will need to take intentional steps to protect your health and your strength. Be gracious with yourself and others. Encourage your people to presume the best of each other and to trust that we are all doing the best we can. We are all under great pressure from different directions.
Finally, leave time and space to lean on the life-giving word of God. You cannot share hope with your people without maintaining it alive in your own heart. This is not a luxury; it is a vital part of your spiritual leadership in this moment. May God bless, keep, and protect you as you lead Christ’s church.
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