Growing Together Podcast Episode #4: Grace

Today, as I am wrapping up another week of sheltering in place, I admit that this week has been more difficult than others. I have found myself overwhelmed, and exhausted, and admittedly a little cranky. Perhaps you are feeling this way too. 

If this is how you are feeling, I’m hopeful that this blog will give you a moment to pause as you practice extending grace to yourself and to others. Let this be a time where you can slow down, take a breath and focus on what is really important to you and your family.

I don’t know about you, but there is a part of me that thought the act of sheltering in place would bring opportunities to slow down, that my calendar would be less full, that we would have an opportunity to breathe. And yet, in my own life and in talking to many others- this is just not the case. Calendars that were once full of activities are now full online meetings and live and digital activities. The possibilities are amazing and they are endless. In my own work as I try to curate all of the e-mails there are so many- I receive several e-mails every day of resources to share that were created with a deep desire to help families during this time. And so I myself am guilty of naming and sharing endless amounts of things for families to do during this difficult time. 

The reality though is that many parents and families are struggling during this time. There have been numerous articles, blogs, and podcasts identifying the stress that families are facing as we practice sheltering in place. Many of us are juggling full time work, full time home schooling, and full time family responsibilities. There is an unspoken expectation that we can and should complete all of the tasks that are now on our to-do lists. It is a constant call to make sure that the learning is happening, the growing is happening, and work is getting done, not to mention daily tasks of cleaning, laundry, and making sure our families have healthy meals to eat. It is exhausting. It is easy to become overwhelmed by all of the “stuff and things” that we think we need to be doing. Then there are all the possibilities of what we could be doing. Just the other day I received online curriculum from my son’s school- he is 11.5 months with activities, videos, crafts, and recipes. While I appreciate the ideas and the encouragement I quickly found my stress level rising as I began to try to plan out how I would get all of this done in a day. Then I hear that small voice reminding me- these are just ideas, you don’t need to do all of them- is there one that sounds exciting and fun?

In this time, when our cortisol levels are high, as many of us are in a constant state of anxiety, and our bodies have moved into a fight or flight mentality, it is even more important that we take a breath, to feel all of our feelings, and to remember: God has us. We are not alone. We do not have to do everything and we definitely do not have to do it with perfection.

This is not the time to be trying to do everything perfectly and it is not the time to try to complete all tasks and activities that cross our desk or come through e-mail or social media. I think this goes for our work life, our home life, and our spiritual life too.

This is a time where we can practice grace- opening ourselves up to the grace God gives as we find ways to extend that grace and love to ourselves and to our families. It is an opportunity to focus on loving each other well as we cherish this time we have together. It is an invitation for us to slow down, to breathe, and to focus on what really matters to us and our families. 

One of the things I’ve appreciated as I see other families wrestling with all of this are the families that are saying: “Everyday make sure you are doing the things that are important to you… every day we’re going to make our beds… every day we are going to eat a healthy breakfast,  … go for a walk… spend some time outside, …  praying together.” the end of that message is always: we are going to do what is important to us and beyond that we’ll see what the day brings.

In the midst of stress it is important to to take time to play and to connect to our Creator and to each other. As you discern what is best for you and your family, just like we would when we were out and in the world, if you will… really identify, what is important to your family? Especially now that we’ve been given the gift of time together. What do you want your family to remember when they look back on this time when we had to shelter in place? I know my hope for my own child is that he will remember walks with mommy and daddy, time playing with his canine sister bela, and time spent reading and snuggling, and playing. Of course, my son is 11months old so this might look different for you and your family. You might identify other important memories that you hope to cultivate during this time. For myself, my hope is that when we emerge from sheltering in place that I do feel more rest, that I am in a place of gratitude for the time I was able to spend with my family. I also hope that I’ve been able to do my job well- focusing on what is relevant and important during this time. 

Take a moment and identify:

• What is important to you?

• What do you want your children to remember?

• How do you want to feel on the other side of this? 

I always say: 1-3 things is enough. It is when we start looking at all the possibilities, and when we start trying to do all of the stuff and things that we get overwhelmed, we get stuck, we get anxious, and we get exhausted. This is also when we start feeling like we are failing in all areas of our lives. So- I invite you to think about 1-3 three things you want you and your family to focus on…. and that’s it. What ever number or specific activities make you feel good or make you feel excited….

What are your 1-3 things?

Maybe it’s: every day I want our family to go on a walk together, or everyday I want my family to snuggle up for story time, or everyday I want to make sure I am blessing my family. For more information about blessing your family you can listen to the last episode of this podcast, episode #3. Maybe you will spend time outside every day, you will read everyday, or you will pray everyday. Maybe you will choose one activity from your school or church to try. It’s up to you, I just want to encourage you to keep it simple and keep your expectations realistic.

For work this can be harder as sometimes our tasks are dictated by others— I have found it helpful to begin my day journaling- writing down all of the tasks that are swirling around in my head. You might use a task manager such as Slack, Basecamp, or Smartsheet, to identify the work that needs to be done.

Start by listing out all of the possibilities then ask yourself:

• what is most important?

• What needs to get done today?

I say this prayer as I journal:

God, thank-you for good work. Thank-you for all of these possibilities. Bless the work of today. Help me as I identify the tasks that need to be done today and encourage me as I set aside the other tasks for another day. Keep me focused and at peace. Amen. 

Routines are important for people of all ages- especially in moments of chaos. Create a simple routine that helps you focus on what is most important to you and your family. If you are having an off day or if things do not go as planned, this is a wonderful time to practice grace and forgiveness. When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, stop what you are doing and say a breath prayer.

Breath Prayers

[Breath prayer for presence]

As you breathe in say: Lord you are with me.

As you breathe out say: help me focus on what is important.

[Breath prayer for guidance]

Breathe in: Lord, guide my feet

Breathe out: while I run this race

[Breath prayer for assurance]

Breathe in: Do not be afraid

Breathe out: I am with you. 

Other Breath Prayers

You can come up with your own words too- what ever brings you comfort and helps you experience a moment of peace as you reset and prepare to try again.

A mantra when I am overwhelmed, I often find myself saying is this: “One breath, one step, one day at a time” as I take deep breaths and prepare to try again.

I pray you will be able to find a system that works for you as you find a way to identify what is important, and to let go of everything else. Focus on the small and simple tasks that are ultimately going to be more important at the end of all of this than whether or not you did all of the activities, all of the lessons, completed all of the tasks or learned all of the things. 

I am writing this blog on Good Friday, one of my favorite days of the year. I think it is one of my favorite days because it reminds us of the great sacrifice of our Savior, and it invites us into deep reflection and into a different space as we consider the reality of our Christian faith.

And so, as we sit underneath the cross and we look to the stillness of Holy Saturday, and we anticipate the hope, and the beauty, and the joy of Easter- I think that this is the perfect time to stop, to breathe in the grace of God and then to allow that Grace to wash over us and wash over the ones we love as we practice saying: In this moment, this is enough. In this moment, God’s grace is enough. Today, this time to play is enough. In all things, it is enough. 

My prayer for you is that as you are listening to this you will take a moment to breath in God’s grace, to name what is important, and to let everything else go. Take this time to breathe, the play, to release all expectations. Do all of the things, or none of the things. Focus on what is important to you and your family… and through it all remember… God created you, you are enough, rest and find strength in God’s grace and love. 

Invitation to a spiritual practice: Grace

• Give yourself permission to let go of all the “stuff and things” controlling your day.

• Identify 1-3 things that you want you and your family to focus on

• Practice grace as you remember you do not have to do all things.

Weekly Blessing

God created you, you are enough, rest and find strength in God’s grace and love.

Prayer

God, thank-you for good work. Thank-you for all of these possibilities. Bless the work of today. Help me as I identify the tasks that need to be done today and encourage me as I set aside the other tasks for another day. Keep me focused and at peace. Amen.

How can I support you as you shelter in place? Let me know by commenting on this podcast, sharing on our growing together families facebook page, or you can e-mail me too.